25 April 2009

Help from India

I had heard this song before, here and there over the years, but I heard this version on the Sex & the City soundtrack. As it turns out, the entire soundtrack was incredibly therapeutic in my getting over what used to be me and Adam, but this song in particular was very helpful.

The heart of the matter for me was that I needed to do a lot of forgiving. Mostly I needed to forgive myself for ten years of allowing myself to forget just how precious God is to me. Let me tell you, it's not easy to forgive yourself. Many times I wished I could blame someone other than myself.

These lyrics, specifically, are what hit home the hardest with me: "The more I know, the less I understand. And all the things I thought I'd figured out, I have to learn again."

The thing I've learned through all of this is control. I don't have it. I never did. I never will. It's simply a black and white matter. I don't even need to understand. I thought I had a lot of things figured out, and, man, was it convincing. So very convincing. But I know better now. It's a relief not having to fret about anything, really. Such peace of mind.

It's an interesting transition from a serious relationship back to being single. Of course I miss Adam dearly, but being single is just what we need at this point in our lives.

Any way. I was compelled to share a little about what this song means to me.


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